Can You Hold Space?
https://youtu.be/ChmrcIf2EMA Holding space. It sounds like one of these new-age terms or some yoga babble idea. It’s not. It probably originates in a term dating back to the 1400s, “holding court,” meaning someone who has the rapt attention of those listening to them. That’s exactly what it means. When we hold space for another person, we give them our undivided attention. We don’t check our phones, look at our watches, think about what’s next in our daily activities, or plan what we’ll say next. We simply (or not so simply) “hold space,” giving them what Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard.” We aren’t judging or critiquing what they say, and we aren’t trying to fix them. In the scattered, distracted, and quick-fix society we have created, holding space is a rarity, near-heroic in effort, and needed now more than ever. Can you just sit there and listen? Can you hear me—really hear me? Can you see me—really see me? Can you bear the burden of my words, my feelings, and the suffering that will arise for you and for me and consciously and courageously give me the gift of “holding space”?
9 Shades of Grey: The Enneagram Of Intimacy, Sexuality, and Mind Blowing Orgasms
Do you have a partner, as lovely as they might be, who might need a bit of a cheat sheet to turn you on, get you going, or a complex diagram with footnotes as to how to get you off? Look no further than the Enneagram.
Mirrors, Middle-Aged Naked Dudes, And Men Sick Of The Game
This is my threshold test to find my guys, the ones I can work with and help. Those who won’t look, can’t yet look, or are too embarrassed, heartbroken, or ashamed to look are my guys, my tribe, and the men with whom I connect and who connect with me.
Transforming Tragedy into Triumph: Descending Up, Never Down
The Jewish people have known more of our share of descents in this lifetime than any other people in history. However, the Jewish people always and only go in a different direction, one direction – with every suffering-filled step and horrific descent, we are a people that Descend Up.
Transforming Tragedy Into Triumph: Today I Become A Man
Man is not fully conditioned and determined but rather determines whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them Dr. ViktorFrankl My son and youngest child, Aviv, is preparing for his Bar Mitzvah and doing it nontraditionally. He’s a competitive dancer and doesn’t have time, nor the desire, to go to Hebrew school. He wants to do it on his terms. So what are his terms? So, we were driving to school, listening to the news (he’s an all-things-Israel-news-junkie), and the report of the Pogrom in Dagestan – a bloodthirsty mob of Jew haters who wanted to kill Jews, came on. “Turn it off,” I insisted. “No,” he said in a surprisingly stern tone. “Yes,” I snapped back, reaching for the dial at which point he grabbed my hand. “Abba,” he said with conviction. “This is one of my fears.” And just like that, I got it. I knew exactly what he was saying, what he was doing, and why he was doing it. I choked back the tears. I watched this kid who has deeply internalized what is going on in Israel as he lived there not that long ago, in that very moment, step into his power. He is terrified of Hamas. He was in tears listening to the horror stories of boys his age being dragged away into Gaza, probably never to be seen again. He isn’t some macho tough guy. The kid is Billy Elliot, an Enneagram 4 (the empath), and he gets mad at me when I kill spiders. And yet, at this moment, I saw the truth – Hamas failed. We won. Period. No, we haven’t got our babies back from Gaza. No, we haven’t rooted out and eradicated all of Hamas yet, but we will. No, we can not get all of those innocent men, women, and children who were murdered back. No, we can not stop these terrorists from using their babies as human shields and all of the bloodshed of Palestinians, the blood of which is on Hamas’s hands. And yet, one young man a world away from the fighting, a boy who hates bloodshed and is afraid of what is going on, did not surrender to his fear. He is not running from his fears. Sure, he’s still afraid – we all are – and yet, he reminds us of what Dr. Viktor Frankl meant when he said, “make your defiant stand.” “Man is not fully conditioned and determined,” writes Frankl, “but rather determines himself whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them.” Aviv reminds us of what we must do to say Never Again, to mean Never Again, and to live Never Again… We must not run. We can not hide. We should not live in fear; that’s what Hamas, their supporters, and all of the haters want. Terrorists don’t just live to cause terror but to stifle the rest of us through that terror. No, we don’t always control what they do or how they do – and certainly will never understand why they do it. However, that doesn’t mean we don’t have control. We do. We always do control, but one thing – how we choose to respond. There are a thousand ways we can and must fight Hamas, terrorists, and haters wherever they rear their ugly heads. However, as Aviv reminded me, maybe it starts right here, right now, with whatever fear we face. Maybe the best way to fight them is to simply face our fears, whatever those fears may be, as an act of courage as we make our defiant stand. If we do, regardless of our age, gender, or religion, we’ll embody those timeless words that most Jewish boys and girls merely mutter but which every one of us, in our way, on our terms, must embody… Today, I will courageously face my fears. Today, I will make my defiant stand. Today, I will defeat Hamas and all Jew-haters, racists, and bigots everywhere. Today, I become a woman. Today, I become a man.
Transforming Tragedy Into Triumph: The Secret To Jewish Immortality
Transforming Tragedy Into Triumph: The Secret To Jewish Immortality The defiant power of the human spirit is man’s capacity as a spiritual being to resist and brave whatever conditioning, circumstances or suffering he may face or endure.”-Dr. Viktor Frankl Over the past few weeks, like many of you, I’ve been glued to the news. I need to know what has happened and continues to happen in Israel. I’m stuck between “I can’t get enough” and “enough is enough.” It went from the most heinous horrors against the Jews since the Holocaust, to the ongoing saga of the hostages, to the pro-Hamas rallies and the vile Jew hatred erupting all around us, to the devastation being visited upon poor Palestinians whom Hamas is using as human shields. It’s devastating. It’s terrifying. It’s exhausting. It’s demoralizing. I know. I get it. Trust me, all day, every day CNN. FOX. MSNBC… every person I talk to, every client I meet with, every interaction, over and over, rinse and repeat, again and again and again. I get it. They hate us. I know. They want to annihilate Israel. I have no doubt they mean what they say. They want dead Jews. Yes, we need to stay informed. Yes, we need to keep advocating and educating. Yes, the IDF needs to keep defending us, and individually, we must stay in the fight. But here’s the deal: if we’re going to do this, then let’s do this. If we’re going to deal with these modern-day Pogroms (and make no mistake about it, these are bloodthirsty Pogroms – like Dagestan), then let’s go all in and remember the whole story. Yes, they want dead Jews. Yes, they got dead Jews. Yes, they are after us again. And yet, we’re still here? In every era they wanted us dead, so how come we’re not gone? For that, let’s turn to Mark Twain who wrote the following after visiting Israel in 1899 (so much for colonialism)… “…If statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. Itsuggests a nebulous dim puff of stardust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly, theJew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is asprominent on the planet as any other people…,The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound andsplendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Romanfollowed; and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other people have sprung up andheld their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or havevanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was,exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing ofhis energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but theJew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?” Yes, indeed, Mr. Twain, every step of the way, they wanted us dead. And yet…The Egyptian Empire – gone.The Amalekites – gone.The Assyrian Empire – gone.The Hittite Empire – gone.The Chaldean Empire – gone.The Philistines – gone.The Babylonian Empire – gone.The Persian Empire – gone.The Greek Empire – gone.The Roman Empire – gone.The Byzantine Empire – gone.The Ottoman Turkish Empire – gone.The Soviet Empire – gone.The Nazi Empire – gone They all wanted us dead. Yet, we are alive and well. We are succeeding. We are flourishing. We are powerful, returned to our rightful, ancient, God-given Jewish homeland, and thriving across the world. We are here. They are gone. What is the secret of the Jew’s immortality, Mr. Twain? In the words of my teacher, mentor, and Holocaust survivor, Dr. Viktor Frankl – it’s called the defiant power of the human spirit. This spirit was exemplified by Frankl and many others during and after the Holocaust, as well as by Israelis during the past three weeks. It is this defiant power that has allowed the Jewish people to endure and thrive. That’s our story, the whole story, and a story that needs to be lived and shared. It’s time to turn off the news and get back to this message, stop focusing on the death, the hate, and the fear – which is precisely what the terrorists and hates want us to do, and get back to our mission, and the real story – Am Yisrael Chai – the Jewish people and our Jewish homeland will continue long after Hamas and the haters are gone. Our story, the story of the Jewish people and our homeland, is one that must be told and lived. It’s time to tune out the negativity and focus on our mission. Let’s move past the hate and fear that terrorists and other antagonists want us to feel. Instead, let us remember that Am Yisrael Chai – the Jewish people and our homeland – will endure even after those who oppose us are long gone. That is the secret of the Jewish homeland, the Jewish people, and the Jewish mission – the defiant power of our spirit and a secret that finally and fully needs to be revealed! Rabbi Dr. Baruch “B” HaLevi
Move Forward After Loss, But Never Move On
As someone who has officiated at hundreds of funerals and has guided thousands of individuals through various types of loss, I can attest that there are certain things you should and should not say. One statement that should never be uttered is, “You need to move on.” While I understand this sentiment stems from a desire to help loved ones suffering, it is ultimately unhelpful and harmful. It is impossible to “move on” after experiencing a loss; doing so would feel disloyal and unloving. What does moving on mean anyway? Does it involve leaving our feelings behind, soldering on, and ignoring the pain? Does it require replacing lost loved ones with new ones? Does it mean we try to forget – to put the memories behind us and begin a new life? None of these options are appropriate or even possible. Instead of attempting to move on, we should focus on moving forward. This slight shift in language has enormous ramifications. To move forward does not mean abandoning our loved ones. Instead, we should strive to carry them with us always. We can do this by remembering them, feeling our emotions for them, and choosing to live – not in spite of our loss, but because of it. Even in the face of death, we can live for our loved ones and continue to love them and those around us more deeply through how we live. This isn’t moving on. This is moving forward and what it means to carry their fire. After my father’s suicide, I read Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road,” which included a powerful passage that stuck with me. In it, a father tells his son that he must “carry the fire” as they navigate a post-apocalyptic world. The poor child doesn’t know what this fire is, where it exists, or even if it’s real. As his father lay there dying, in his final few breaths, he reassures his son that he knows – you’ve always known; you’ll always know: it’s in you – it is you. Carry the fire and as you live I live! This phrase has become my touchstone for dealing with loss. To carry the fire means to remember our loved ones and live for them, not in spite of their death, but because of it. To carry the fire means we keep their memory alive by living our lives fully and fiercely, with every thought, feeling, and action bound up with their legacy. To carry the fire means we don’t bury our dead, leaving them ‘back there’ in the dirt. Rather, it means we carry our them with us, the grief and joy, the memories and feelings inspiring and empowering us every step of the way. Over and over, when I have shared these words with people who are grieving – grieving a loved one or grieving as so many of us are today after the murder of our Jewish brothers and sisters by Hamas – they get it. We get it. Whereas we feel kicked in the gut when told that we need to move on, I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t feel a deep resonance with being told it is time to move forward – to carry the fire. With a nodding head and a sparkle in the eye, knowing precisely what it means and why they must do it countless individuals have said, “Yes, I must carry the fire.” So, wherever you are, whatever you are going through, or whomever you are grieving – No, you can’t bring your loved one back… No, you can’t stop the darkness from descending… No, you can’t move on – nor do you want to, even if you could. But that doesn’t mean you are helpless. It should not mean you lose hope. You now have a sacred task and newfound life’s mission in front of you. No, you can’t move on. Yes, you must move forward, fulfilling this duty, and upholding your promise to your loved ones, whether you said the words or not. You have the fire, their fire within you. It’s always been there. It will always be there. It’s in you. It is you, and you are them. So carry the fire and move forward on your life path. As you live, they live if you carry the fire! Baruch HaLevi In dedication to my father, Shelly Perelman, on his 17th yartzeit (death anniversary) as I continue to carry his fire and pass it down to the next generation.
All You Need To Know About Israel, Hamas & Jew-Hatred
In 5 minutes you’ll learn what you need to understand the situation in Israel, combat the haters and dispel the lies.
The Boy In The Palestinian Flag, Hamas And Dead Jews. It’s Time For You To Choose.
They said they wanted dead Jews. They meant they wanted dead Jews. And now the world has roughly a thousand more dead Jews, thousands more wounded, and nearly a hundred and fifty Jewish elderly, women, and children being violated in the most heinous ways.
The Only Question You Have To Answer To Grow, Be Happy & Free: Are You Response-Able?
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” -Dr. Viktor Frankl Having guided thousands of people through nearly every twist, turn, and tragedy life offers, here’s what I know to be true. Whether we rise or fall, succeed or fail, live a life of meaning, or waste our time here and do a lot of damage in the process comes down to one question: Are you response-able? No, that’s not a typo. And trust me, auto-correct reminds me daily that it’s not a real word. However, since jawn, gloatware, GOAT, and amalgagender were added to the dictionary in 2023, I think it certainly deserves consideration. Seriously, if this word ain’t a part of your daily vocabulary – it should be. So what is response-ability? Let’s first talk about what it’s not, and for that, we’ll turn to Dr. Viktor Frankl, the man who coined this term. “Between stimulus and response,” wrote Frankl, “there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response.” The problem, as Dr. Frankl was well aware in his roles as both a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, is that the “stimuli” of life, everything from a 1000 trivial stimuli we have to deal with during our days to that terrifying stimulus package that kicks us in our ass now and again, makes it hard to find that space. Stimulus happens, and when it does, we can’t breathe. We can’t think. We can’t shake the fear. We become victims of our circumstances – whatever they are or whoever it is, “causing” us to react, not respond. This is when Frankl challenges us to check in, check ourselves, and challenge our circumstances. Can we get back to consciousness? Can we take back our space? Can we stop reacting and choose our response? Can we respond to our circumstances, however difficult, painful, or tragic they might be? Response-ability is being cut off in traffic and not flipping the perpetrator the middle finger Tweet (oops, guilty, I admit). Response-ability is being exhausted at the end of the day and not yelling at your kids to stop yelling (guilty again). Response-ability is going through an ugly divorce and not throwing away the good memories or shutting your heart to love and loving someone else again. Response-ability is suffering the death of a loved one and then doubling down, living more fully and loving more fiercely, not in spite of your loss – because of it. Response-ability is facing whatever life presents to you and making a choice – the only choice ever fully yours – to forfeit your choice and react, or to take back your power and choose your response? No, it doesn’t mean you’ll do it perfectly – none of us can. No, it doesn’t mean you won’t stumble, falter and fail – you will. No, it doesn’t mean you won’t react – you are human, and reaction is a natural defense. What it means is that once you’ve come off of autopilot, as soon as you wake up to the moment and as quickly as you are able, you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take back your power, and choose to respond, again and again, and again. So, I’ll end as I began with a single question: are you response-able? Because “in that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” If you want to grow and be happy, then choose your response and be free! Dr. Baruch “B” HaLevi Dr. Baruch HaLevi is the founder of The Defiant Spirit: counseling, coaching, and consulting. He is a logotherapist (meaning-centered psychotherapist), meaning-coach, and Enneagram teacher. He is also co-founder of the Viktor Frankl Meaning Academy. You can learn more about him at www.DefiantSpirit.org